Be Tolerant with Others…


Criticizing others is easy. Finding fault seems, all too often, to flow naturally. And it’s ugly and small. Rarely do we actually understand the motivations of others. Rarely are they considering us as much as we think they are. Should we get something wrong, we think an “oops, sorry”, should be adequate. Surely, the other party must understand that we would never, intentionally, (insert whatever transgression here). But we can easily be convinced that similar actions by others border on the unforgivable.

I’m not referring to the genuinely illegal, immoral, or unethical. That’s a different standard. (Usually… St. Augustine tells us that “an unjust law is no law at all”, but that’s for another day) But the daily hurts and frustrations and annoyances that we allow to impact our peace of mind. At times, we are truly astonished by the actions of others. Let’s say it’s the driver who almost cuts you off as they speed by. Maybe they’re rude and reckless. Maybe they have an emergency on their hands. A friend doesn’t return your message. They could be rude, selfish, and unthinking, though they may have just missed it during a busy day. Not getting the help you need from a colleague? Could be a self-serving, advancement chaser, or could be their plate is filled with demands from their manager or higher priority requests are simply pushing your needs down the to-do list. The key is, you generally don’t know.

Marcus Aurelius, in his diary that we all know as Meditations, offers the line: Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.

Why is that brilliant advice? Because your actions are the only actions you control. Because your motivations are the only motivations into which you have insight.

Yes, people are often rude, selfish, and unthinking. You know that by now. And sometimes, human communication just fails. At times, those acts that we are certain to be rude, selfish, and unthinking are simply misunderstandings. Why does this matter? Because you still have to tend to your obligations. You still have goals to advance. You still have things that you need or want to do, regardless of the actions of others. Add judgement to the situation and you make it more difficult to see your way through and just might let yourself off the hook. Stop. Step back. Be generous where you can. Be indifferent where you can’t. Move forward.

Heed the words of Marcus and demand a higher standard… of yourself.

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