Fighting Beside Seneca

The theme of this blog is Vivere Militare Est… to live is to fight . Those words, written by Seneca, were a play on the phrase from Cicero that to live is to think . Well, I think we need to make a very specific distinction regarding our thoughts. At times, thought is deliberate. We may find ourselves trying to solve a problem, considering something for which we are thankful, or otherwise be focused with our thoughts and attention. This is good, though getting more difficult with all the avenues of technological distraction. However, we all have a constantly playing soundtrack in our heads that is not at all deliberate. A fundamental fact of these thoughts is that we absolutely do NOT have to entertain them. Ugly, self-limiting thoughts flow through our minds and negative emotions begin to well up, but you do not have to accept them. Those thoughts and emotions are just that… they are not who you are. They are not real. Do not entertain them, do not relate to them, and they do no...

I’ve written about the power of the word “decide” and will have more on that later in “A Model for Getting Stuff Done”. The goal here is to keep it simple… Whether large goals or small, we can all struggle at times to make the progress we would like. Often, we convince ourselves that we simply do not know how or where to start. We are under the impression that starting requires a straight path, swept clean. At no point in time has any endeavor of any significance been that easy. Seneca himself said that “we suffer more in imagination than in reality”. Isn’t that what procrastination is, just a form of suffering? The easiest way to relieve that suffering is to start, even if starting means the smallest of actions. The key word being “actions”. Why? Because even the most minute step towards a goal feels like a win. This is the reason large goals should always be broken down into smaller goals that can be achieved AND celebrated. I’ve always illustrated with the climbing of a mo...

You’ve heard it, said it, thought it… “I’ll be happy when/if…”. The human search for happiness spans all time and cultures, past and present, and is happening right now in your own head. Unfortunately, we often see happiness as event driven. To state the obvious, that makes unhappiness event driven, as well. Do you really want to leave your happiness up to events that you do not control? While one might argue that is just a poor idea for any number of reasons, hedonic adaption ensures that is a poor idea. Hedonic adaptation is the concept that human happiness, basically, reverts to the mean after positive, and even negative, events. If you hit the lottery, you will be absolutely euphoric… for a bit. Big promotion and associated pay raise. That’s awesome… for now. “So… I can’t be happy?”. No. You can. You just can’t leave it to that unchecked brain of yours. You must own it. You must understand yourself. You leverage that lottery to lift-up others, to gain new expe...

  My son and I have long had an understanding summed up in the phrase, “I will let you fail”. I’m sure that many would read that as harshness or a lack of concern. No. Quite the opposite. It is, precisely, because of my love and affection for my son that I was willing to allow him to suffer through the consequences of his decisions. Most of his life will be as an adult, making his own decisions. What parents so often to fail to realize is that protecting their children from difficulties of their own making is not done for the child, it’s done for the parent. It is much easier to prevent those challenges than it is to stand by and be ready to help them through the aftermath. But we do not grow through ease, we grow through difficulty. Learning from small disappointments today, may inform the avoidance of larger disappointments (or worse) later. Lessons are painful, but aren’t lessons the very purpose of the parent? Let me illustrate. My son joined cub scouts as a 6-year-old ...