You Don’t Need the Approval of Others


We have all done it… Found ourselves hurt and disappointed when we didn’t get the approval of others. Found ourselves hurt and disappointed even though we don’t even respect or like the person withholding the approval. Even though we recognize that the person may not even understand the situation, and even though we are certain that we have done well, or at least, done our best. Why?

Why do we allow others such sway over us? Why would we ever allow something so totally outside of our own control and as arbitrary as the thoughts of others to impact our peace?

This is simple… You know that we all have different skills, different interests, and different levels of education & training regarding whatever the topic. AND, you know whether or not, in any situation, you have given your best. What else is there? Nothing!

The wise throughout history have tried to help us understand this. And yet, we struggle…

All the Stoics addressed the topic:

“If you are ever tempted to look for outside approval, realize that you have compromised your integrity. If you need a witness, be your own.” -Epictetus

“Who exactly are these people that you want to be admired by? Aren’t they the same people you are in the habit of calling crazy? And this is your life ambition, then – to win the approval of lunatics? -Marcus Aurelius

“Be your own spectator, seek your own applause.” -Seneca

“I have never wished to cater to the crowd; for what I know, they do not approve, and what they approve, I do not know.” -Seneca

Need more? The Christian tradition is quite clear… seeking man’s approval is a path to destruction. It’s, ultimately, God’s approval that matters. 1 Thessalonians, chapter 2. The whole chapter is about sharing the Gospel and needing no praise from man. To paraphrase Galatians 1:10, if you are trying to please people, you can’t live in accord with Christ. Again, look inside yourself. You know if you’re doing your best here or not.

Still more? Lao Tzu, in the Tao Te Ching, states: “Care about people´s approval and you will be their prisoner. Do your work, then step back, the only path to serenity.”

If you want peace… be peaceful. Recognize what you control and what you do not. Recognize that the one opinion that matters, is yours! And you don’t need the approval of others…

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